My Lemonade is Sour Today

When life hands you lemons…..

Currently I am just staring at my basket of lemons. I don’t know what to do with them. I’m trying to make lemonade but I can’t find the sugar. I’m praying, calling friends and searching for answers. Can I find enough sugar to make things okay for now, I just need a little sugar to make this okay.

Today was the day. We were {finally} having court. It wasn’t getting continued by the lawyers this time and we got a 2pm slot on the docket but were the next to last case to be seen for the day- meaning they would get to us when they got to us and 2pm was a very rough estimate.

Dave and I arrived in the morning and sat with our girl’s 14 yr. old sister while we waited to be callled back. She was going to be testifying in front of court(and her parents) about their actions and the abuse in the home. Needless to say, we could have used a little bit of Peace and Calming in a diffuser today (couldn’t we all?!)! We felt good about our case being on the docket so we went grocery shopping and then lunch to kill some time until 2pm. I have spent some time with her sister before and we have had lengthy conversations about her life and these past situations. My innocence is no longer. My worst movies have been lived out in real life by this girl. Honestly…

She is one of the strongest people I have ever met. She is now back in the same group home that she spent 4 years at the last time she was in FC (foster care) because there were no foster homes available. She isn’t a bad kid so she’s never been REQUIRED be moved to a better living environment like her brother was- lucky for him- he got to be adopted the last go around. She wasn’t so lucky. She went home again and spent the last year at home where things only got worse than before. She and our girl were removed again and this time hopefully for good. She is the only voice in this case. Three old’s don’t have a voice. They are “too little”. But we have her sister as our last hope to seal this case once and for all.

I had spent my day explaining that God does everything for a reason and that God does answer prayer. Only to be sent away at the 11th hour because we were one case too late on the docket. People….the judges get a 2 hour lunch break and leave at 4:30pm!! All I’m asking is that you sit on you a** for an extra hour of your day so we can get some closure. So this girl can know if she ever gets to leave the group home and go to her grandma. Or if she will ever have to go back to her mom and step dad. All she wanted is for someone to step up and do their job. Someone to hear her heartbroken plea for help. For the system to actually work for her. But at the end of the day, the most realistic thing I could say was, “Well, at least you are both still in a safe place.” Literally, it’s the only positive thing I could say to her.

Now, I’m not one to be known to bullshit. I actually hate it and prefer a light sugar coat if absolutely needed (and 5 years of marriage has taught me it is needed). Today I BS’d more than I cared to. She knew it too. She knew when I said, “Maybe you are going to be put in a great foster home soon”, that really, no one wants teenagers. That’s why she’s in a group home. And that really, there aren’t enough foster homes to go around so they place the youngest kids first. I know it and she knows it. Maybe I didn’t mention that I hoped and prayed that that home would be OURS soon…

Nope. Couldn’t say that. Because that’s BIG. This is where you tell me I’m crazy and I just nod. 🙂 Dave is too skeptical for this sort of thing and I just think with my heart. Opposites attract they say…

Her life has been ruined by her mother’s bad choices. There is one person to blame for all of this and there is nothing she can do about it. Drugs mess you up, like woah! And so help me if my kids ever say the “D” word. Grounded forever. NOT OKAY.

So, I drove her home while she quietly cried for 45 minutes. I took her to her doctors appointment and listened to that idiot tell her that her anxiety was “normal and that it’s a very stressful time”. LADY, we aren’t talking about kids picking on her or her just getting bad grades in school. We are talking about real life trauma that adults can barely process through and she is sitting here telling you this and you just smirk and say, “Yeah, this is a stressful time”. Also, I was hungry. So I was a little more agitated than normal BUT when people downplay a child’s experiences that really hits my nerve.

We ended the day mostly happy. I took her back to the group home tonight and we stopped on the way at Yogurt Mountain because she had told me earlier that she had never been. We had a nice time and it was a decent way to end the day. I left her sobbing {again} because she hated seeing our girl upset about her having to say goodbye. She cares about everyone else more than herself and cried because she didn’t want our girl sad.

I gave her a hug and fed her some more {feel-good} BS because that’s what any decent person would do, I guess. Told her not to do drugs and that I would see her soon and that it would only get better from here. I hope the last 2 statements are true because that’s all I’ve got. The whole, “everything-happens-for-a-reason” speech wasn’t going to cut it today- let’s be honest. She doesn’t need to hear that today. She needs to someone to tell her that she is beautiful and a great girl and that what is happening isn’t her fault and that one day we will know why all of this had to happen this way. OH, and that her parents will pay for their sins- if not in this life then at least the next!

Maybe that’s my sugar…